Les Loups d'Opera
by Wings-of-Twilight
Summary: Oh my giddy aunt, Tranquil's gone and lost all vestiges of sanity. See what happens when a psychotic dark elf creates a crossover between Phantom of the Opera and Wolf's Rain. PG-13 for strong language (Tsume and his dirty mouth... )
1. The Casting

**A/N:** Okay, I've officially lost my sanity. Like I ever had any to begin with. I saw the ALW movie the other night, and after having songs, scenes and character parallels stampeding through my head, I've got to write it down. So I give you a crossover of sorts. Wolf's Rain meets PTOA. Please don't kill me. I have a wife and kids and a house and a… um… toilet…

(Artemis Entreri: No you don't! Well, the house and toilet, yes, but…

Tranquil: Sssssh! Shut up!)

All characters aside from Tranquil (me) are © their respective owners. And there's really very little self-insertion here. I'm just the director... stage manager... whatever, you get the picture. I'm not here.

Prologue of Sorts: The Casting

**Tranquil**: OK, cast! Sound off! _Kiba_!

**Kiba**: Here.

**Tranquil**: You'll be playing Raoul.

**Kiba**: …All right. I suppose.

**Tranquil**: _Cheza_!

**Cheza** (raises hand): This one is here, Tranquil-sama.

**Tranquil**: You're Christine.

**Kiba**: All RIGHT!

**Tranquil**: _Toboe_!

**Toboe** (popping up from behind the futon): Yeah?

**Tranquil**: You're Firmin.

**Toboe**: Okay!

**Tranquil**: _Tsume_!

**Tsume**: What do you want NOW?

**Tranquil**: You'll be playing Andre.

**Tsume**: WHAT! You mean I have to work with HIM? (jabs finger at Toboe)

**Toboe**: That's not a very nice thing to say!

**Tranquil**: Cut it out, you two! Okay, ummm… _Blue_!

**Blue**: Yeah?

**Tranquil**: You'll be playing Meg.

**Blue**: But then who's playing Madame Giry?

**Tranquil**: Who do you think?

**Blue**: What?! Oh, God, no…

Quent Yaiden walks in.

**Quent**: WOLVES!!!

Blue drops her head into her hands.

**Blue**: Jeez, Pops…

**Tranquil**: Grin

**Hige**: What about me?

**Tranquil**: (scratches head) Um… You can be Piangi.

**Tsume** (laughs): He certainly fits the part.

**Hige**: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

**Tsume**: Oh, nothing…

**Tranquil**: Now, where were we… Oh, yeah. _Jagura_!

**Jagura**: stalks in

**Tranquil**: You're Carlotta.

**Hige**: WHAAAT? grabs the front of Tranquil's coat Oh, God, no! No, Tranquil, don't do this to me!

Jagura just grins. Evilly.

**Tranquil** (rubs hands together): Okay, that's settled. And now for my favorite… _Gaku-chan!_

**Everybody except for Tranquil**: Gaku-chan? Who the hell's Gaku-chan?

Darcia, in full regalia –including mask, headpiece, and robes- sweeps into the room and comes to stand behind Tranquil.

**Everyone except for Tranquil and Darcia**: Oh, dear Kami, Tranquil, you're not going to do what I think you're going to do…

Tranquil burst into bouts of evil laughter.

**Tranquil**: That's right. My dear beloved Darcia is going to be playing Erik himself.

**Blue**: Well, he certainly fits the bill… points at Darcia's mask But he hasn't got any ugly scars.

**Tranquil**: (points at Darcia's left eye) That'll do.

**Cher Degre** and **Hubb** **Lebowski**: HEY! What about us?

**Hubb**: We want to be in it too!

**Tranquil**: Okay, then… Hubb, you can be the stagehand that gets throttled when falling off the wings.

**Hubb**: Geh?!

**Tranquil**: Cher, you… um. I don't know. You can be M. Reyer. (Claps hands) All right, places! Places, everyone!

Let's get this show on the road!


	2. Rehearsals for Hannibal

**A/N**: So finally we get to the actual story. Woohoo! Let the games begin!

You'll have to forgive it if it's a little strange. It's meant to be. And you might want to watch out- I'm a hardcore EC fan. FFFFT! Pretty nancy boy Raoul stealing Erik's girl! Diediediediedie!

(Is smacked by Artemis Entreri)

Ah… yes. I needed that. Sorry.

Aaaanyway… I'm presenting this in script format (ish), BECAUSE I CAN. Mwahahahahahaha- hack hack hack cough cough THUD

Rehearsals for "Hannibal"

**Lady Jagura** strides onto the stage of the Opera House, looking rather silly while simultaneously wearing her cloak, armor, and mask AND the costume for Elissa, Hannibal's mistress. Instead of a prop severed head, she is cheerily swinging an actual head back and forth, and blithely ignoring the strange and disturbed looks the chorus girls are throwing in her direction.

**Jagura**(at the climax of an extravagant cade):  
This trophy from our saviours, from the  
enslaving force of Rome!

_The chorus girls all wince. Powerful, scary Noble with supernatural powers she may be, but singing is most certainly NOT her forte._

**Girls' Chorus:**  
With feasting and dancing and song,  
tonight in celebration  
we greet the victorious throng,  
returned to bring salvation!

**Men's Chorus:**  
The trumpets of Carthage resound !  
Hear, Romans, now and tremble!  
Hark to our step on the ground!

**All:**  
Hear the drums - Hannibal comes!

_**Hige** enters, dressed up as Hannibal… except that he has a hot dog in his mouth and is still wearing his collar. _

**Hige**: Mrrph mrrphn mmph mmph.

**Jagura** (in an undertone): Take the hot dog out of your mouth, imbecile!

Hige swallows the hot dog in one gulp, nearly chokes, and then sings (rather raggedly).

**Hige** (_Hannibal_): Sad to return to find the land we love  
threatened once more by Roma's far-reaching  
grasp.

_At this point **Cher Degre **looks up from where she's been reading _The Book of the Moon

**Cher**: Signor Wolf, if you please: It's "Rome", not "Roma". We say "Rome".

**Hige**: Whatever. Rome, Roma… I'm hungry.

**Cher**: Okay, then, Hige, could you do the "Sad to return…" bit again?

_Footsteps mark the entrance of the old owner of the Opera House –a woman with dark skin, white hair, and curiously mismatched eyes-, leading behind her a pair of young men. One seems little more than a boy; his wide, brown eyes are full of innocence, and he looks around at the Opera House in awe. The other is a tall, rigid older man, yet still not out of his twenties. His white hair is tailored to a severe cut and comes to a ponytail in the back; his gold eyes are narrow and suspicious._

**Tranquil**: Okay, guys, this way. Rehearsals, as you see, are under way, for a new production of Chalumeau's "Hannibal".

_She looks around, sees that there's a lull in the activity, and waves a hand to garner attention._

**Tranquil**: Yo! Hey guys! I kinda figure some of you already know M. Tsume and M. Toboe, but-

_Cher looks up from the Book of the Moon again, seeming a little annoyed- probably because Tranquil gave her a smaller part than she wanted._

**Cher**: Tranquil, it's only a few lines into the first scene and you're already doing self-insertion?! Go away. We're rehearsing right now.

_Tranquil throws up her hands in a gesture of surrender, ears drooping as she takes a step back._

**Tranquil**: Whoa, whoa, easy! I'll be out of your hair in a second, 'kay? (Besides, this is the only scene I'm in, goddammit!)

**Cher**: Yes, yes… Go on, Hige.

**Tranquil** (whispering to Tsume and Toboe): That's Cher Degre, our chief repetiteur. She can be kind of a bitch, I'm afraid.

**Cher**: I HEARD THAT!

**Tranquil** (cowering): Don't hit me! OO

Hige clears his throat. Loudly.

**Hige** _(Hannibal)_ :  
Sad to return to find the land we love  
threatened once more by  
Rome's far-reaching grasp.  
Tomorrow we shall break  
the chains of Rome.  
Tonight, rejoice - your army has  
come home.

_The ballet girls, made up of random wolves and humans (and is that Myu? Why so it is!), start their dance. Unfortunately Tsume, Toboe, and Tranquil have conveniently positioned themselves in the middle of the stage, and are cery much in the way. Oblivious, the dark elf points to Hige._

**Tranquil**: That's Hige, our tenor. He's a bit of an idiot…

**Tsume**: We know.

**Tranquil**: …but he suits Lady Jagura.

**Hige**: I do NOT!

_BANG!_

_A gunshot rips through the conversation as Quent stumbles onstage- as usual, swigging out of his flask of liquour. He glares balefully at the three and points his rifle at them._

**Quent**: Get off the stage, wolves, before I kill you. (_He points the barrel of the gun at Tranquil_) You, too, pointy-ear.

**Tranquil** (outraged): POINTY-EAR?!!

_When Quent fires off a shot at her feet, she and her companions hastily get off the stage._

**Tranquil** (pressing a hand to her heart): And THAT was Quent, our... snrrg... choreographer. Man am I going to be happy when I'm out of here.

**Tsume**: Why're you retiring again, Tranquil-san?

**Tranquil** (ignoring the question): We take a lot of pride here in our ballets.

_Blue dances into their field of vision, brow furrowed in concentration. She's not really much of a dancer, but she's managing all right._

**Tsume**: Who the hell is that, Tranquil?

**Tranquil**: That? That's Blue, our resident half-wolf. She was raised by Quent. Promising talent, actually, in spite of who brought her up…

_At that moment **Cheza** twirls into view, dancing happily in the pink boots that Hige gave her, but she's out of step._

**Quent** (bellowing): GIRL! Concentrate or I'll blow your head o- Oh, wait. You're not one of those filthy wolves. Nevermind then.

**Blue** (dancing over to Cheza): Hey, something wrong?

_The wolves' reactions to Cheza's presence are instantaneous: their eyes glaze over as they get a whiff of her scent. Tsume taps the elf on the shoulder._

**Tsume**: Who's that girl? She smells so nice…

**Tranquil**: That'd be Cheza Hanabito…

**Toboe**: Hanabito? That's a nice name…

**Tsume**: Any relation to the old violinist we've heard about?

**Tranquil**: Her mother, sort of. Cheza's kind of… well, she's got her head off in the clouds a lot.

_The ballet, meanwhile, resumes, as does the chorus:_

**Chorus**:  
Bid welcome to Hannibal's guests -  
the elephants of Carthage!  
As guides on our conquering quests,  
Dido sends  
Hannibal's friends!

_A life-sized mechanical replica of an elephant is brought in- stagehands attempt to lift Hige onto its back, but because he's rather… shall we say, portly, it doesn't work very well._

_Jagura (Elissa):_

Once more to my  
welcoming arms  
my wolf returns  
in splendour!

**Hige**: Do I have to?

**Jagura**: YES.

**Hige** (sighing): Oh, fine, fine.

Once more to those  
sweetest of charms  
my heart and soul  
surrender!

**Chorus**:  
The trumpeting elephants sound  
hear, Romans, now and tremble!  
Hark to their step on the ground  
hear the drums!  
Hannibal comes!  
_  
At the end of the chorus Tranquil claps her hands for silence. The elephant is led off. Two stage-hands are revealed operating it from within._

**Tranquil**: Ladies, gentlemen, wolves and Flower Maidens… lend me your ears! (_She points to her own uber-pointy ears for emphasis_.) You've all heard rumors that I'm taking off, and yeah, it's true…

**Everyone except for Tranquil**: WOOHOO! She's leaving! Finally! (etc., etc.)

**Tranquil** (evilly): You aren't out of the woods yet, my pretties… oh, no, not by a long shot. Mssrs. Tsume and Toboe will be taking my place from now on.

_Tranquil ushers the two wolves to the foreground. People applaud politely… except for Jagura, who just shoves her way into the open._

**Tranquil**: This is Lady Jagura, our leading soprano and resident evil Noble for five seasons now.

**Tsume**: Oh, yeah. I remember when you tried to kill us.

**Tranquil**: And this is Hige.

_She motions the wolf forward. Glaring match between Hige and Tsume ensues. Toboe just smiles and acts his sweet little self._

**Tsume**: Um, Jagura. Toboe wants to hear you sing. Would you mind? (Oh my ears hate me already…)

**Jagura**: If Mme. Degre commands…

**Cher**: Like I have a choice. Two bars?

**Toboe**: That's fine!

**Cher**: All right. Jagura?

**Jagura**: Cher.

_The introduction is played upon the piano, and Jagura does her utmost to sing her very worst- ah, I mean, best. Tranquil, unnoticed, stuffs cotton into her ears._

**Jagura**:

Think of me,  
think of me fondly,  
when we've said  
good bye.  
Remember me  
Once in a while  
promise me  
you'll try.

(_All the wolves are by this time trying very hard not to howl in pain_)

**Jagura**:  
When you find  
that, once  
again, you long  
to take your heart . . .

_CRASH!!!??!_

_A backdrop falls to the floor directly behind the Noble, cutting her off from half the cast._

**Blue/Ballet Girls/Chorus**:  
He's here:  
the Phantom of the Opera . . .  
He is with us . . .  
It's the ghost . . .

Hige stares in annoyance up at the wings of the stage.

**Hige**: Couldn't you have landed the damn thing on her head?

_Tranquil, on the other hand, lets out a long sigh and walks over to where Jagura is standing, stunned._

**Tranquil**: You're not hurt are you? LEBOWSKI! (_looks around_) Where the bloody hell did Hubb get to? Betting you money he's the one that did this.

_The backdrop is raised high enough to reveal **Hubb Lebowski**, holding a noose-like length of rope._

**Hubb**:

Please, Tranquil-san,  
don't look at me:  
as God's my witness,  
I was not at my post.

Please, Tranquil-san,  
there's no one there:  
and if there is, well-  
then it must be a ghost . . .

**Blue** (looking up): I'm telling you, it's the Phantom of the Opera!

**Tsume** (snorts): Bull.

**Toboe**: Aw, come on, a ghost?

**Tsume** (to Jagura): Y'know, shit happens, lady.

_Jagura_: Yes it does! And until you stop it, I'm not singing! Hige, come!

_Hige reluctantly gets her furs from the wings and trails after her._

_Tranquil gets an absolutely wicked look in her eye and begins backing away, saluting._

**Tranquil**: Well, guys, I think you can handle things from here on out. If you need anything, I'll be in Mordor. Ciao!

_She practically dances out the door, alternately cackling under her breath and singing, very faintly: "Darcia-chan, Darcia-chan, if he can't do it, no one can…"_

**Tsume**: Ah, Jagura'll be back.

**Quent**: Yeah? Well I've got this letter from the Opera Ghost…

**Toboe**: I don't believe in ghosts!

**Quent**: Look, wolf, I don't make the rules, I just follow 'em. He merely welcomes you to his opera house... commands that you to continue to leave Box Five empty for his use.. and reminds you that his salary is due.

**Toboe** (confused): His salary?

**Quent**: Yeah. Little Miss Pointy-Ear used to pay him twenty thousand francs a month. God knows why. Maybe you can give 'im more, now that you've got the White Wolf as your patron.

_The Ballet Girls lean forward to hear more. Cheza perks up and grabs hold of Blue's arm._

**Tsume**: Old man, shut your mouth…

**Quent** (to Toboe): Boy. Is the White Wolf gonna be here tonight?

**Toboe** (excitedly): Yeah! He'll be in our box!

**Tsume**: Old man, you got an understudy for Jagura?

**Cher** (yet again looking up from the Book of the Moon): No, the production's too new.

**Blue**: Hey, I know! Cheza could sing it!

**Toboe**: You mean the pretty girl that smells like flowers?

**Blue**: Yeah. She's been taking lessons from some great teacher.

**Tsume** (growling): Oh, yeah? Who from?

**Cheza** (shyly): Th… this one does not know, sir…

**Toboe**: Aw, man… we're gonna have to cancel!

**Quent**: Aw, hell, let her sing. She's pretty good.

**Cher** (after a pause): Okay, Cheza, let's start from the beginning of the aria.

_Cheza straightens up and takes a deep, nervous breath._

**Cheza**:

Think of me  
think of me fondly,  
when we've said goodbye.  
Remember me  
Once in a while

please promise me  
you'll try.

**Toboe**: has gone all drooly and vacant-eyed

**Tsume**: Oh, God, Toboe, not you too…

**Cheza**:

When you find  
that, once  
again, you long  
to take your heart back  
and be free -  
if you  
ever find  
a moment,  
spare a thought  
for me…

_The shot cuts to the Gala. Cheza is revealed in full costume._

We never said  
our love  
was evergreen,  
or as unchanging  
as the sea -  
but if  
you can still  
remember  
stop and think  
of me . . .

Think of all the things

we've shared and seen  
don't think about the things

that might have been . . .

Think of me,  
think of me waking,  
silent and  
resigned.

Imagine me,  
trying too hard  
to put you  
from my mind.

Recall those days  
look back  
on all those times,  
think of the things  
we'll never do -  
there will  
never be  
a day, when  
I won't think  
of you . .

_Applause thunders through the room, followed by whistlings and cries of "Bravo! Bravo!" **Kiba**, from his seat in the managers' box, starts to his feet and stares, wide-eyed, at the singer far below._

**Kiba**:

Can it be?

Can it be Cheza?

Bravo!

_(He raises his opera-glasses.)_

What a change!

You're really not a bit

The timid Flower Maiden you once were!

(_He lowers the opera-glasses_.)

She may  
not remember  
me, but  
I remember  
her...

**Cheza**:

We never said

our love was evergreen

or as unchanging as the sea

but please promise me

that sometimes you will think

_(vocalising) _of me!

_The end of the song is met with thunderous applause, and the curtains fall._


	3. After the Gala

**A/N:** Yeah, yeah, I know, self-insertion sucks. Still, it was fun while it lasted… sigh Don't worry, we'll be getting to the good stuff soon.

After the Gala

_The curtain closes upstage. The Ballet Girls, from the wings, gush around Cheza, who hands each a flower from her bouquet. _

**Quent **(to Cheza, gruffly):  
Yes, you did well. He will be pleased.  
_(to the DANCERS)_  
And you! You were a disgrace! Bloody wolves, I don't know why I put up with you! Move, it, we're rehearsing!

_He emphasizes this by firing his rifle into the air, galvanizing the wolves into action as they bolt. Quent follows, and soon the sound of his rifle butt hitting the floor can be heard as he keeps time with it. Cheza, on the other hand, drifts toward her dressing room. Blue follows her, unnoticed. And as Cheza is about to open the door to her dressing room, she hears a dark and enchanting voice, out of nowhere._

**Darcia:**  
Bravi, bravi, bravissimi...

_Cheza looks around, confused. Blue, following, fails to hear the aforesaid voice. Cheza turns, surprised, which becomes relief as she sees who it is._

**Blue**:  
Where in the world  
have you been hiding?  
Really, you were  
perfect!

I only wish  
I knew your secret!  
Who is this great  
tutor?

**Cheza** (distracted, entering the dressing room):

This one once heard  
of an angel . . .  
I used to dream he'd  
appear . . .

Now as I sing,  
I can sense him . . .  
And I know  
he's here . . .

_(Her voice becomes much more trancelike as she continues)_

Here in this room  
he calls me softly . . .  
somewhere inside . . .  
hiding . . .

Somehow I know  
he's always with me . . .  
he - the unseen  
genius . . .

_Blue pats her comfortingly on the shoulder, shaking her head._

**Blue**:

Cheza, you must have been dreaming…

Stories like this can't come true.

Cheza, you're talking in riddles,

And it's not like you…

_Cheza apparently doesn't hear her, but goes on, happily._

**Cheza**:

Angel of Music!  
Guide and guardian!  
Grant this one your glory!

**Blue** (inwardly):

Who is this angel?

This…

**Both**:

Angel of Music!  
Hide no longer!  
Secret and strange  
angel . . .

**Cheza**: He's with this one even now…

**Blue**: Your hands are cold!

**Cheza**: All around…

**Blue**: Your face, Cheza-

it's white.

**Cheza**: It frightens this one…

**Blue**: Don't be frightened…

_They look at each other. The moment is broken by the sudden arrival of Quent, who nearly breaks down the door._

**Quent**: Blue. Are you a dancer? Then come out and practice!

_Blue leaves and joins the dancers as Quent tosses something to Cheza._

**Quent**: Hey. A wolf asked me to give you this.

_He hands Cheza a note, and leaves as she opens it._

**Cheza**: A red jacket… the attic… Little Lotte…

------------------------

**Ending A/N**: Finally! In the next scene, the good stuff. Darcia-sama makes an appearance! As does Kiba, for those of you that like Kiba.

Woohoo!


End file.
